It seems all too often we focus on our kids schedules, play dates, education, homework, sports, and achievements way more than our marriage.
I have a story to tell you. I was helping my son with his science fair project a long time ago for an entire day and most of the evening. We took a few hours in the afternoon to play mini golf and hang out with friends but then it was back to work once we got home. We are typically so busy in the week that I wanted to make sure that we got it done while they had the day off from school. Well, I was so stressed about helping him finish that I totally disregarded the fact that my sweet husband had fed, bathed, and put all the kids to bed while I was helping my oldest son Tyler. He had installed a brand new toilet the day before while watching our toddler because I had my TRX class and I taught my religious education class to kindergartners. He has done some amazing things the last few days and I have totally let that recognition slip by without a word. Yet, I was so stressed out that I vented to him about how stressed I was and the poor guy thought I was fussing at him and that he didn’t do enough when in fact he had gone above and beyond what I ever expected of him. That is the purpose of this article is to share with you my experiences or down falls as it may seem so that it might help you if you may be experiencing some of the same things. Raising multiple children to be morally upstanding, amazing, successful adults is not for the faint of heart but neither is managing a relationship on top of that. The good thing is that my husband completes me and makes my other half so I am thankful. I’m not saying we are perfect or have this marriage thing down but we are a good work in progress. 😉
Therefore, I believe that in some situations, our poor spouses are left with the overwhelming leftover stress that sometimes tends to take us over. Well, I have finally found a way to possibly help that situation a little. The Deacon of our church, who is amazing by the way, told me once that “A marriage is to become holy, not happy.” What he meant is that marriage is for making us holy in the eyes of God because we give so much in order to make our spouse and children happy. That doesn’t mean that it can’t be a respectful, happy marriage but that both parties sacrifice for each other to make each other happy. That makes us holy and enables us to get even closer to our goal of someday living an eternal life in Heaven with our Lord. My husband and I had a really deep conversation and I realized that, yes, perhaps sometimes I let the stresses of our kids overwhelm me (and him) at times and I, as well as he, forgets to appreciate the other spouse. It’s time to appreciate and let him/her know all the good things they do. Build they’re confidence but at the same time, if they aren’t respecting you, let them know and tell them this needs to change for the health and well being of the marriage. Remember to recognize the little things they do to help or support you because its the little things that make the most difference. I am a sensitive person and having a loving, nurturing relationship means the world to me while he is an engineer who looks at things completely differently from an analytical perspective. There is a potentially, amazing balance between the two types of people but both parties have to compromise in order for it to work. We have a system that works for us, keeps us sane, helps the kids be successful, and helps our family balance well. The kids get their “family Friday” where we play games or do something fun so they don’t feel like they’re just doing school work or sports all the time and we get to bond with them but we need our time too. We have to pencil in date nights but most importantly apologize when necessary, be humble (no one is perfect) but request respect, be open, be willing to listen and compromise, and most importantly recognize the efforts of the other person. I hope this helps those seeking a closer bond with their significant other. It’s way too easy to take them for granted but the truth of the matter is, “what would we do without them?” No matter how we may frustrate each other at times, I couldn’t imagine my life without my husband and God made us that way for a reason. We truly need each other. I am no expert on marriage but I love to LOVE and I love to be truly LOVED. If it doesn’t work in discussion, write a love letter explaining your needs as well as what you would be willing to do/change in order to make him/her be happier in your relationship as well. I believe in balance and I know for sure that it is possible. You don’t have to sacrifice helping your kids with sports, homework, tutoring or anything else. You can balance it all out and make it work! We all need a time to slow down and it is good to take a breather from all the activity at times. Just never give up because a relationship and family is too important to settle for less. If you don’t give life everything you’ve got, then you can’t realize your full potential. 😉
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