It has been a while since I have written in my blog. The time has escaped me, and I have been on a “journey through a jungle” for about a year now. I have gone from intense, dismantling grief…. to peaceful grief….. to Directing Allie’s Way…. to figuring out how to work part time while still working part time for Allie’s Way and fulfilling a subcontract for 15 presentations in less than one year….. to only working Allie’s Way with no additional source of income and getting into politics, which I am not a fan of.
To be honest, I would rather only advocate and educate to students and communities, but this need for hands-free legislation in our state is so close to my heart and I am so passionate about it because it saves lives. So, I have been working with legislators for the past few months just educating to make sure they have as much information as possible before they decide on whether or not to pass hands-free legislation in our great state. The problem is that when you start working with legislators, you come to realize that they have good intentions but sometimes it comes down to politics and I am just an honest, hardworking, transparent person who wants justice & safe roads.
It’s like trekking through a jungle where you don’t know what will try to eat you up next (objections that can cause emotional feelings to resurface), what roadblocks lie ahead, or whether you will even be able to climb to the top of that huge mountain just to get to the other side. There are many trees and bushes in the way that have to be worked around. However, I know that in the end, God has a plan. I will just have to stay persistent, keep fighting past those trees and bushes and climb my way to the top to see the other side of that mountain. I do this in honor of my sweet little girl. Saving lives is my mission and will continue to be my life’s work until the end of my days. I sort of fear this a little because I know how emotional it is and I know that it will take enormous strength and perseverance to keep going. However, God gave me a little sign today as I contemplated my next steps and started to get a little weary.
This is almost comical. God works in mysterious ways and when we need that message loud and clear, you better believe that God will deliver it…..pretty much in your face, if necessary. I couldn’t help but giggle a little and then thank God for giving me these sweet reminders.
Two days ago, I received this message on my phone:
Yesterday, I received this message on my phone:
Today, I received this message on my phone:
Then, I realized that this is truly important and that my faith should not waiver in this journey. God has great things in store for our future. We don’t always understand his plans. Ok, actually, rarely do we understand his plans, but they are always perfect, and they are always timely. I have to remember that I don’t understand why Allie had to go. I don’t understand why Allie’s killer still doesn’t suffer consequences of her actions, but I DO know that God will deal with all of this, and I don’t have to worry about it. I just need to keep moving forward like I am supposed to and at some point, if it is time for me to redirect my focus, God will let me know that too.
As I continue this “journey through the jungle,” I will continue to rely on God, pray, & hope for the best because I can “only control the controllables.” Those are very wise words from my sweet Christian therapist who works to ensure that I have someone to talk to when the going gets tough. I can control my responses, my actions, and my intentions but I can’t control the outcome. Always remember that you can control you but God is in control of ALL. He lets us have free will but ultimately God knows what happens next and already has a plan for it.
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